Forget Newton and Galileo.
Here are the real laws of nature
1.Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to go to the toilet.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Gravy, beetroot etc only falls on clothing when you are wearing the lightest shades or at a function.
3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5..Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6.. Variation Law - If you change traffic lanes, the one you moved from will always move faster than the one you moved to.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it suddenly will. Or that persistent fault or noise your motor makes will not be replicated when you take your car etc to the garage.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of your itch is inversely proportional to your reach.
11.. Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or before the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. It is generally only assumed you are a fool until you speak, then it is confirmed.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the paediatrician.
The garden hose law (or rope, electric lead etc) will always snag on the only obstacle for a hundred square metres of where you drag it, and the hose will always kink when greatest distance away from the task at hand.
The milk (water, coffee, any substance on the stove is doing fine until a minor distraction, then automatically burns, boils over, boils dry, catches alight.
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Finally, Murphy’s Law is the most common. It states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong and at the worst possible moment.
It is being fast being overtaken by O’Reilly’s Law which simply states that Murphy was an optimist.
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